Grandma's Heart

 I look down at Jaren with red eyes and blanket in hand, and reach my arms out to him and he reaches his to mine.  I swoop him up into my arms, wrap his blue blanket around him and cuddle him close.  "I'm chilled, Grandma," says this little three year old to me.  "I know, Sweetheart, you are sick with a fever and it's causing you to be chilled."  His head rests against me content for the moment with my lap as his mother is occupied with the baby, Oliver.    I hold a sippy cup to his mouth and he drinks from it and I hold him a little tighter rocking gently back and forth with him trying to bring comfort to this precious grandson of mine.

The other day I had given Evelyn and him stickers to play with.  He had placed all but three stickers on his pages and I asked him what he was going to do with the last three stickers.  He said, "I'm saving them for Mommy."  I turned back to my computer and a moment later Jaren was standing there reaching up to me handing me a sticker.  The sticker remains on the speaker that sits on my desk.  My heart bursts.

Ray and I were sitting in a love seat watching a Christmas movie while the kids were playing games around the table.  Aspen climbed up between us and laid her head against me.  I reached my arm around her as I gently ran my fingers through her hair.  Quiet, content, love filled the room.  She sat there for the longest time as I marveled at the closeness we share though this granddaughter lives so far away and seldom sees me.

Gifts!  I am surrounded by them.  That wry smile on Stuart's face, yea, the one that beacons me to see him as someone special.   I do.  He is a first, first boy, firstborn grandchild, first grandson, first to climb to the top of the pine tree as it swayed dangerously back and forth at just four years old, first to stop my heart, first...

He'll be the first to graduate in the spring.  My heart stands still for a moment.  Stop.  Stop please.  Tears.  This tall young man that reads thick books, plays video games, rock climbs, with the messed up hair and unshaven face... where are you headed young man?  As you fly your toy helicopter that Laura got you, where are you headed?  More tears.  I can't hold on and I don't want to hold you down...but I can pray as you venture forth ~ I'll always pray.